A little kindness, a little acknowledgement

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What if every one of us took two extra seconds to acknowledge another person in a positive way?

I’m not talking about those people in your life that you typically acknowledge, I’m talking about everyone else. The guy who picks up the garbage. The woman who fixes your IT problems at work. The conductor on your morning subway train.

This morning, as I walked to the nearby Starbucks to get my first cup of the day, I noticed a garbage truck blocking traffic. The two men working the truck were hauling in the last of a large pile of trash. As I passed, I smiled and said, “Good morning!”

“You have no idea how nice it is to see a smile today,” said one as he grasped another bag. “Thank you!”

“Have a nice day!” I replied.

Two seconds. Alright, it was probably more like 9 seconds. But it didn’t take away from my day at all; I didn’t stop walking, I just said, “Hello.” I simply acknowledged his existence in a positive way.

People are strange creatures. We often find ourselves full of doubt and uncertainty. We feel that what we do doesn’t matter. We want affirmation. We want to know that what we do and who we are makes a positive impact on those around us. Yet, many of us don’t offer this information to others who positively impact us.

What if we did?

Now think about this more deeply: What if every one of us took two extra seconds to acknowledge another person in a positive way, specifically those who we are close with in our day-to-day lives?

One very common theme that I run up against as a mentor / coach is the complaint that the work being done is rarely acknowledged by one’s boss/company/coworkers/family/spouse. “No news is good news” can feel pretty empty and meaningless when you are on the receiving end, but I see this in practice a lot. I worked through this just yesterday with a woman I mentor. She manages a group of people who all do work separate from her contributions and she reports to a brilliant engineer whose strong suit is not offering warm-fuzzies.

The first thing I asked was whether she gives positive feedback to her team and to her peers for jobs well done.

Why is this important? Well, practice what you preach is the best way to say it. If you would like to receive greater amounts of positive feedback, you should also offer greater amounts of positive feedback (when earned) to those around you. Create the environment in which you wish to exist.

Leading by example is a great way to help impact the world around you. Don’t just stop at your direct reports (and theirs), provide positive feedback to your peers as well. And I guarantee that your manager and other leadership will appreciate hearing positive feedback when you feel that what they are doing deserves a quick kudos.

This doesn’t mean walking around like some looney optimist who pats everyone on the back for breathing. Be sure that the behavior you’re reinforcing is the good stuff, but sometimes a quick, “thank you for the work you do,” will provide just the right amount of kindness and acknowledgement to keep that person going.

This doesn’t sound like me getting my acknowledgement. How does that work?

The second thing I asked the woman I’m working with was whether she tells her manager about the things she’s proud of when they happen (and regularly).

Unfortunately, as I mentioned before, proactively offering positive acknowledgement isn’t usually a habit most people have built. The best way to ensure you’ll get acknowledged for the good stuff is to talk about the good stuff. Many of you will hate this idea at first. It feels like bragging. It feels like asking for recognition. It feels like the experience of saying, “I want you to know I did this thing that I’m really proud of,” will make it less great when the person you tell says, “Good for you! Great work!”

I used to wish people would read my mind and know to say great things to me. People can’t read minds. People are busy. Managers are often focusing on the things that need their attention (often the not-great stuff) and don’t make time to check in with team members on accomplishments regularly.

But as a manager, I realized that when my team members told me about the great things they were doing, three things happened. One: I got to say “That’s great! Thanks for doing that!” Two: I was made aware of something great that was going on in my team, which I really want and need to know so that I can pass that information up the chain. Three: I started seeking out my other team members to hear about their accomplishments, thus creating an environment of positive acknowledgement.

The coolest part about all this? You can make it happen for yourself and your colleagues.

Create the environment in which you wish to exist.

Offer kindness. Offer acknowledgement. And create opportunities for others to acknowledge you. It’s okay. We want to tell you you did great.

This post was originally published on Medium on March 28, 2018