Making a Brilliant Career Move
We all want to be in brilliant careers, or at the very least enjoy waking up in the morning and look forward to going to work each day. Anyone that works a full-time job spends nearly as much of their time at work as they do sleeping.
Let’s break that down: there are 168 hours in a week. Let’s be super nice to ourselves and say we get 8 hours of sleep each night. I know that might be a stretch for some, but let’s assume 56 hours a week of sleeping. Then, let’s assume that we’re probably working more than 40 hours a week… because we probably are. Let’s say 50 hours per week, on average. That leaves only 62 hours each week to do “anything we want’.
That said, we’re adults. Contrary to the thinking of our teenage selves, “Anything we want” probably consists mostly of laundry and doing the dishes and grocery shopping and parenting and some of that is commuting and some of that is going to the gym…
That’s why we’re here, because we spend MORE time at our job than we do anywhere else. So when you find yourself having stress dreams on Sunday night or oversleeping every weekday or generally feeling unmotivated to function during the 7–10 hours each day that comprise your work-week… I mean, ew. That’s awful. Let’s not do that.
Let’s figure out something better.
“An old-timer I knew used to tell his students: ‘Find something you love to do and you’ll never have to work a day in your life.’”
I love this quote. I took the liberty of hunting down the quote origin and, apparently, this is the oldest written reference (on the internet). Like many great sayings, it’s hard to know who said it first.
The thing I always liked about this quote was that it really spoke to the bright-eyed, non-cynical young person in me. And I think I probably heard it first as a young person, so there ya go. It implies that there is a job out there that you will love so much it’s like playtime and you get paid! Bonus.
But that’s not really how it is. And honestly, that’s not a very realistic view.
Take marriage, for example.
When I was young, elementary school-age, I had a list of things that my husband would “be”. I’m sure it was mostly things like, “He’ll be tall” and “He’ll like music” or “He’ll look like Jonathan Taylor Thomas”. Stuff that was super important to a fifth grader.
As I matured, my definition of who my husband would be evolved and changed. Into my twenties it was more like, “He’ll be tall” and “He’ll be wealthy or come from money” and “He won’t be threatened by my career” or “He’ll think I’m the greatest, most beautiful woman on the planet”. You know, more “grown-up” things.
But the truth is, that was my list because I really never thought about it. I really didn’t know what my husband would be like because I didn’t spend any time really thinking about what my core must-haves to sustain my happiness and enthusiasm in a marriage would actually be.
The other truth is, because I was still discovering who I am and still testing my theories of who would be a great husband (ie: internet dating; inevitably filtering for height and income level), I made the wrong things very important early on. As I would get into these relationships, I would notice that they just weren’t right. Something was missing or something was broken or something just didn’t align with “me”.
Finding the right career is the same thing.
Not to stress all of you out again: it will be different and hopefully much easier than finding a spouse, but it’s the same idea. In order to find something you love to do, you have to know what you love. You have to know what will actually fulfill you in the long term. Because marriage, like a job, is work. And you have to find the core must-haves that keep you fulfilled and grounded through all the work, long term.
I’d like to adjust that quote, actually.
I like to say, “if you find a job you love, the work fills you with excitement and a sense of accomplishment and pride”, because finding a job where you truly feel fulfilled usually means that you work hard, but you love it.
Just like a good marriage.
But how do you do that?
Don’t worry, I’ll tell you, and it’ll be more fun than internet dating. Actually, you could probably apply this to internet dating, if you wanted.
I’ve listened to a lot of TEDtalks, and read a lot of self-help, self-actualization, career-building books and many of them are geared toward a very popular notion of “dream big” or “what is the work you can’t not do” or “be revolutionary”, which is great, but what if you just want to go to work each day and not hate your life? How do you actually get a job you love, or at least like? And then…oh god… where do you start?!
Well, let’s loop back to marriage.
Find your core must-haves.
When I finally decided I wanted to find a life-long partner, not just keep dating the wrong person, I really thought about it. What are the experiences I’ve had that were fulfilling in past relationships, even non-romantic ones? What are the experiences I had that made me realize something was missing, and what was that missing thing?
I did this with my work, too. What are the fulfilling things in my work, all of my work, throughout time. These are the real, true, deep things that I will not take another job without. These are the three to five things that I have to have. They are my bedrock, my sanity check, my light when things get tough.
Here are mine:
Great people — I must work with great people who are also hard workers
Impact — I must be in a position to create an impact with the company or at least the organization I am in
Learning — I must be in a position that provides me with meaningful learning experiences and an environment that is safe to learn within
I’ve also added my friend, Whitney’s, so you get an alternative:
Good work/life balance — including short commute
Good, empowered relationship with manager
Continuing to learn new things
Work with people who are inspired & who challenge me
These aren’t things that are listed in a job description. These are things that require you to do the work, to know yourself and to define a real, deep understanding of what promotes happiness in you.
How do I know these are my core must-haves? 1. They’re simple. 2. They create a sense of purpose and fulfillment. 3. They’re mine. No one can tell me that I work just as effectively without making an impact with my work or without a meaningful learning environment. No one can tell Whitney that she’d enjoy work just as much with a long commute or with a manager who didn’t really connect with her. Sure, we’d both do the work, we might even still do great work, but we’ll feel like something is missing. Something is just not right.
How do I know these are my core must-haves?
They’re simple.
They create a sense of purpose and fulfillment.
They’re mine.
I also know these are my core must-haves because they have withstood a full career change. I used to be an independent film producer in New York City and today I lead operations teams for global software companies from Denver. If fifteen-year-old me knew that I would be utterly fulfilled doing boring operations and process creation and change management and people management she’d laugh and maybe cry. Actually, knowing me at that age, she’d probably be a little pissed off. Working in film was my dream job. It was the passion that defined me.
But I also thought a great husband would be a tall Jonathan Taylor Thomas. People change.
There’s a particularly painful type of growth that occurs when you realize that what you thought to be true in your bones, really isn’t. I came across this woman in an email newsletter:
“It was supposed to be my dream job, but I quickly realized, ‘Oh my gosh, I hate this.’”
She writes about staying with her “dream job” even though she clearly was unfulfilled by it and it actually felt she hated it. When we are in that position, especially, it’s hard to let go. It’s like finding the “perfect guy” who checks all the boxes on paper, but just doesn’t make you feel… wonderful.
I suspect that many of us are in jobs (or relationships) that are great on paper. They are the thing we told ourselves we wanted at some point in the past and now it’s what we are convinced we must do. Plus, there’s that whole “sunk cost” feeling, especially if you’ve been in pursuit of this dream job for a long time. To layer it on a little more, what if you did feel great in your dream job at first and you’ve lost that feeling?
Defining your core must-haves will help with that.
We each have a handful of things that we require to make us feel stable and fulfilled in our work. For me, it’s learning, impact and great people. These things make me feel stable and fulfilled and keep me grounded enough to pursue higher goals, and deal with day-to-day maintenance. They don’t guarantee I won’t fail, but they keep me grounded so that failure is not so dire. They also don’t guarantee I will succeed, but they create the fertile environment unique to me that ensures I am going to want to try.
I’ll give you an example: I worked with a company for three years. The first year was an exciting and breakneck-paced growth year for us. We were changing and expanding and everyone was looking at the sky with stars in their eyes and things were going so quickly, it was hard to think about it as anything but exhilarating. It was exciting and I was working super hard. We kept hiring more and more new people. Business and growth is difficult, but I liked that kind of difficult and I knew that growth was good, so I didn’t really question it.
Then year two rolled around and it turned out that things hadn’t been done as responsibly as they could have been, so the company took a much-needed turn toward responsibility. Which meant a serious focus on metrics, especially revenue, and a serious focus on spending, especially headcount.
If any of you have been with a company when this shift happens, you know it can be jarring. And it can be really hard on morale. Inevitably, it also means giving way more with less and working harder (and smarter) to get things done. This is a time when people panic. This is a time when people bail.
But I didn’t bail. I made a deal with myself. Every three months, I would check in with myself and say, “Hey, this is difficult and times are tough, but are my core must-haves being met?” If the answer was yes, I’d stick it out for another three months and then check in again.
I stayed, using this method and I learned more during that time than would have been possible anywhere else. I worked with amazing people who are driven and passionate about their work. I had more impact in those two years and have so many moments that I am proud of. And man, it was hard work. It may have been the hardest thing I’ve done so far. Had I not known what my core must-haves are, I would have become overwhelmed by the day-to-day and the difficult problems that arose. I would have cut and run and leapt into another job with less-great people or less impact possible or any number of things. Knowing my core must-haves kept me grounded. It gave me freedom to experience the difficult times and not panic. And it made my work life more rich because I didn’t have to freak out about my needs not being met.
Your core must-haves are like Maslow’s hierarchy of needs or the six core human needs. They provide you with a stability framework around which you can grow and flourish without panicking.
People can’t focus on maximum potential when they’re anxious about their basic needs being met.
Core must-haves create a foundation upon which you can rely. They provide the basis of your relationship with your work.
But just having a good commute and great coworkers doesn’t mean you’re doing a job you love. You might have identified your core must-haves and be stuck in a job doing things that drain you.
This is why we must identify strengths and highlight them everywhere.
First, let’s redefine “Strength”.
Katherine Nobles has the best definition of strengths and weaknesses I’ve ever heard: a strength is something that strengthens you and a weakness is something that weakens you.
Wow. I thought I strength was something I was good at.
This new definition is awesome; it doesn’t rely on how good you are at a thing, it relies solely on how much enjoyment you get out of doing a thing.
Katherine’s Job Materials Boot Camp via Women Catalysts goes into great detail about defining and highlighting strengths and I highly recommend it, regardless of whether you’re looking for a new job now or not.
The first step is to begin filling out this matrix with skills, placing each one in the correct area. You may be surprised which skills actually bring you high enjoyment, while others may be in the no/low enjoyment section.
The thing that was the most revealing for me was the list of things in my high proficiency, low enjoyment were typically things other people assumed were my strengths. This is why this definition is so powerful: it makes you responsible for defining your strengths, not other people. Other people can’t tell me how much I enjoy something.
Just knowing your strengths doesn’t help solidify what you look for in a new job or even in your current position. When I first identified my strengths, it took me a long time to build the confidence to manifest these strengths in conversation naturally and without having to think about it.
How did I go from talking about things I was good at — things other people said are my strengths — to talking about my true strengths? First, I practiced talking about them with everyone!
Start with friends, family and random, disconnected parties (the bartender, a barista you like, the clerk at the grocery store). This gets you in the habit of saying the things you want and need out loud without tying it to risk (it’s not an interview, it’s just practice). This will also help cue you into your emotions when you say a thing: wow! that is more important than I thought or oh, I thought that was more important to me than it is…
Next, I got to networking. I know this is a bad word for some of you. But it really doesn’t have to be. Look through LinkedIn and start reminding yourself of your connections. Reignite conversations with people you used to work with. Have a coffee. Have a lunch. Have a cocktail. Write an overdue recommendation. Say hi. Re-invigorating your network makes people remember you and think about you when someone says, “Man, I wish we had a super great Product Manager to add to this team…” or “Hey, I wonder if Emily is interested in this position, I really liked working with her.”
Then network some more. Find a Meetup or attend networking functions that expose you to strangers in your field. Talk to at least two people you don’t know at EVERY function. Practice saying the things that are your strengths. Practice talking about what you want in your next position. Practice listening to what other people are saying & make mental notes when something sounded really good or when something wasn’t effective.
If someone sends something your way and asks if you’re interested in an interview or introduction, say, “Yes”. Check out the company and the position, and try not to judge the position, company or yourself before interacting. Be open to the idea that it may surprise you. Plus, nothing is better for distilling your true feelings about what you need and want than practicing in an interview. And the best kind of interview are the ones that are low-stress because you aren’t super nervous about getting the job.
Go through the process with as many companies as you can and really think about each one with your personal needs / wants and strengths in mind. Go all the way through. Keep talking to people as long as they’ll let you (unless it’s unpleasant for you). But if you receive and offer and you aren’t excited about ALL of your needs / wants being met AND the company putting you in a position that feels good AND giving you a great financial offer, say no thank you. Don’t feel compelled to take a job just because someone offered it to you. If it doesn’t feel right, say no.
You don’t have to go on an all-out interviewing bender. You don’t have to quit your current job before getting a signed offer in place. You don’t even have to decide to change until it’s time to decide. BUT as you’re out there talking to new companies and people, be consistent. Follow up. Get feedback. Practice. Find the pieces of your message that resonate with you and KEEP SAYING THOSE THINGS. Try not to tailor your message of “you” for the position or the company. Practice talking about you as you are, not as you think they want you to be for the job.
Listen to your body. Emotional responses are great cues. Do you feel mildly nauseated when you talk to this company? Why? Are you a little scared/exhilarated? That’s probably good! Does the person you’re talking to, who would eventually be your manager, not listen very well and it’s making you anxious or tuned out? That’s probably bad.
Shopping and talking about what you need and want while you are gainfully employed is the BEST situation to be in. But be sure to keep working hard at your current job. Build strong ties and be someone you’re proud of so that when you do decide to move on, your colleagues are excited for you, not bitter that you checked out two months ago…
This process helped me define and solidify my personal strengths and got me comfortable talking about them. What’s more, it really helped me break the habit of talking about some of my weakness areas — things that drained me, even though I was proficient at them — that I had previously thought were strengths.
It’s important to know what your deal-breakers are and know what your weaknesses are, especially those that are in your high proficiency section on your strengths matrix. When you talk to people about your strengths, avoid mentioning your high-proficiency weakness areas. This can be difficult to do if you’ve previous worked in positions that relied heavily on your weakness areas. Practice removing them from your self-pitch.
It’s also not a bad idea to update your LinkedIn profile and resume to reflect strengths as you learn and define them. You want people to see the things that you are great at and love to do when they look you up, otherwise you may be contacted for the wrong type of position or to work with the wrong type of people. Be sure to turn notifications off, so as not to freak out your current employer.
Once you’ve defined your needs / wants and strengths, take a moment to define which (if any) are being met at your current job. If they are all being met, you may be in a good position now. All jobs have challenges. The thing to do is be sure that you’re getting what YOU need to feel fulfilled so that you can work to overcome the challenges.
Remember Whitney? She and I worked on this process together. She took these steps and began her search in earnest and the results surprised her. In less than a month, she had written down over 40 things that were meaningful strengths, core must-haves or deal breakers discovered by talking to various other companies and pursuing different open positions. She networked and talked to friends and family members about what her strengths and core must-haves are and developed greater perspective about what was important and enjoyable to her in her work.
She actually did an about-face. In January, she was convinced that she had to quit her job and find something else in order to be happy at work. Throughout February, she worked this process. She went on interviews, took phone calls, and found she often said, “no”. And with each “no”, she could see why it was a no for her. By March she had gained new perspective. It was a reality check. She realized that her current workplace and current position really were checking the core must-haves and strengths boxes for her. She was able to ground herself, change her attitude, focus on what she can control and has become much happier in her work. She is also mentoring her colleagues with this process to help them find their core must-haves and define their strengths.
We spend nearly a third of our adult lives at work and if it’s possible to feel fulfilled and secure in your work while also getting enjoyment out of the primary skills we must use in our work, then let’s do it.
Define your Core Must-Haves. Dig deep. Look for the simple things that are really valuable to you in your work life.
Define your strengths and weakness areas. What skills do you have or aspire to have that give you enjoyment?
Talk about your strengths and Core Must-Haves. Build a new vocabulary for yourself around these valuable aspects of you. Get comfortable talking about them and avoid talking about the things that drain you — your weaknesses.
Check in with yourself. You don’t need to check in all the time, but do check in. If you are feeling run-down, check in with your Core Must-Haves. Is the fatigue you feel temporary, or is it due to a missing Must-Have? Are you participating in too many weakness activities? Can you position yourself better to highlight and leverage your strengths?
With this toolkit, you can feel more grounded and empowered in your work and make a brilliant career move. I wish you luck!
Originally presented by Emily Ryan, née Speer as headline speaker for Dr. Sharon Grossman’s “The 5 Steps to Making a Brilliant Career Move” seminar in San Francisco, California on April 13, 2017
